These are the people I want to be with when i’m hurting. They are the people that can call me out when i’m acting out of place. They are the ones I want praise from and want to endure life’s mountain tops and valleys with. What I came to find was that, I feel connected with these people these few people out of all the beautiful souls in my life because well… these people walk around life without masks or walls. These are the people who let their wounds, both healed and raw tell their stories.
This was convincing to me. That question still rings in my head. I want to be just like her, this woman of courage. Courage to live without masks and with scars on display. I want to be a woman of courage, courage in my relationships. For me, this looks like not picking the most fitting mask for the crowd i’m with. It means, not expecting, projecting, analyzing, transforming. It means letting my face, my heart be seen joy filled, or heavy laden. Truly, deeply, it means letting my heart of hearts, my depths of depths shine. In everything.
For me most of all, it means taking off the 50,000 bandaids I have on all of my scars and letting the cuts air dry and allow the scars to reveal their stories.
In our culture this is what i’m learning! Were not just wearing one mask, we have a whole dang closet FULL. The mask for our parents, certain friends, community people. We bandage up around certain individuals and air dry in other safe places. So what do we do as we play this exhausting game? We keep conversations skin deep. Im picturing a race car riding on a track over obstacles, obstacles that are each others hills of bandages
Skin deep, we keep conversations surface level so that we, you and I, don’t have to remove our masks. So that we, you and I, can maintain an imagine or keep everything ‘perfect’. In our culture the leading conversational question is “How are you”, What happens when someone says, ‘not doing well.’ So many people freeze. Let me close with this. People cannot relate, connect or know, plastic perfection; because none of us, none of our lives are perfect! What can I relate to? Hearts and scars, because they tell me where you were and how you got where you are now. They tell me how we are alike.
Talking about the weather, sports, the sales at the mall all have their time. However, I have found that when I am with people, Like I previously was, who can ONLY sit in small talk. Well, I cannot really KNOW or BE KNOWN. Theres a richness, a fullness and a connection that comes through going past the skin deep. That, thats exactly where i’m going and where I plan to stay.
When we just try to brush of, or stay in the state of small talk we are saying that my self preservation is more important than connecting to you. Ok, if thats not the case, it may be ‘I am totally content with our relationship remaining an arms distance away. This is what I found through the very question I was asked at the beginning of this piece. I didn’t let people IN because I refused to talk about the good parts.
Andy Grammar is my favorite, and a close tie to Michael Buble. He recently released a song called The Good Parts and it changed me. It was just in line with what i’m talking about here! Its so powerful and I hope it shows you just how much, sharing ‘the Good Parts’ Can absolutely transform the way we connect.
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